Connecting with others may be the ultimate superpower.
Living a long, happy life, creating personal wealth, and building a rewarding consulting practice are all anchored in your connections with others.
Yet, most people’s connection skills are sorely lacking. On par with their ability to perform neurosurgery, speak ancient Akkadian, or distinguish between the Taylor Swift and Barbie Halloween costumes.
Sure, most folks maintain a few, deep relationships with their best friends, some of their family and the local baker.
However, your average Joe—including your average Jo Consultant—ignores the vast majority of their contacts.
They let 95-99% of their network languish as Lapsed Contacts until the relationship bonds are withered and fragile or entirely non-existent.
This is especially true of decision-makers in corporate jobs, who typically don’t feel any incentive to maintain contacts outside their company.
Similarly, most consultants’ careers start in large firms or organizations where there is no emphasis on building networks or learning strong connection skills and habits.
Of course, you probably know a few super-connectors who seem to know everyone and stay in touch with everyone.
You can train yourself to be one of those super-connectors.
It’s easy.
Ninety-five percent of your network is sitting there, untouched by you.
All you need to do is send those folks a message.
Messages lead to connections. Connections lead to conversations.
Conversations are where wealth is created in the form of relationships and, happily, opportunities for your consulting firm.
So, let’s focus making outreach messages easy and effective.
5 Ways to Make Connecting Easy
5-Minute Time Limit
Spend no more than five minutes sending your outreach message to any one contact.
If you labor over exactly what to say, outreach will feel too much like work, and that will make your new status as a super-connector difficult to maintain.
Five minutes per contact translates to 12 contacts in an hour, 156 connection attempts in a quarter and over 600 people over the course of a year if you establish a weekly habit.
Wow! Twelve outreaches in a week doesn’t make you a connector, but 600 in a year… now you’re talking! Literally.
That level of outreach should lead to at least a couple of conversations with Lapsed Contacts every week.
Set the Right Expectations
Understand from the outset that once you reach out, most people won’t reach back. Especially if you’ve fallen out of touch.
Don’t get discouraged. Stay positive and hopeful.
Reaching out is like smiling at someone on the street. Maybe they won’t smile back, but you’ve still put positive energy into the world, and that’s a good thing.
Send 1:1:1 Messages
I’ve found that 1:1:1 messages are easy once you get the hang of them. They’re also extraordinarily effective.
If you’re struggling to get the knack of 1:1:1 messages, create something even easier: a one-line message about yourself with a simple yes/no question.
Create a Ritual
Pick a specific time each week when you’ll send 12 outreach messages. Boom. Done.
Get Help
Have your EA locate email addresses or LinkedIn profiles for you and, ideally, create your outreach list.
Or ask your EA to craft a handful of 1:1:1 messages for each contact. Then you can choose the one you want to send.
4 Ways to Make Connecting Effective
Stay Right-Side Up
Keep the focus of your outreach message on Them—the person you’re connecting to.
That said, sometimes other people are interested in you, so don’t hide yourself. Unless you’re in witness protection. Then stay hidden.
Know Your Objective
The objective of your message is to generate engagement. Not to sell. Not to immediately talk about business.
Engagement leads to conversations, then conversations are where you connect.
Create a Script
If you’re anxious about the follow-up conversation when your outreach works, you won’t reach out.
Dispel that anxiety with a script.
Start every conversation with a Right-Side Up inquiry and/or an ice-breaker.
You can always talk about food—that’s a good ice breaker.
Ironically, talking about ice is usually not a good ice breaker.
Spread Your Love Wide
Set a goal of having deep, one-on-one conversations with 100 A1s each year.
If you chat with 100 A1s you’ll being in the position of turning down tons of consulting opportunities.
If you don’t have 100 A1 relationships, consider yourself typical. In that case, expand your outreach to your entire Network Core.
If your Network Core contains less than 100 contacts, expand your outreach to B2s then C1s and C2s. That should bring you up over 100.
Alternatively, participate in a collaborative marketing effort with someone who has a large tribe, and use that opportunity to bolster your network.
Do you find connecting difficult? If so, what makes it hard for you?
If not, what makes connecting easy and effective for you?
Text and images are © 2025 David A. Fields, all rights reserved.
